WISH LIST?>>>>>
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3,953 Posts
New 12 days for all>>>
New Policy on Twelve Days
Effective immediately, the following economizing measures are being
implemented in the "Twelve Days of Christmas" subsidiary:
1) The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree, which never produced
the cash crop forecasted, will be replaced by a plastic hanging plant,
providing considerable savings in maintenance
2) Two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not cost effective. In addition, their romance during working hours could not be condoned. The positions are, therefore, eliminated
3) The three French hens will remain intact. After all, everyone loves the
French
4) The four calling birds will be replaced by an automated voice mail system, with a call waiting option. An analysis is underway to determine who the birds have been calling, how often and how long they talked_
5) The five golden rings have been put on hold by the Board of Directors.
Maintaining a portfolio based on one commodity could have negative
implications for institutional investors. Diversification into other precious metals, as well as a mix of T-Bills and high technology stocks, appear to be in order
6) The six geese-a-laying constitutes a luxury which can no longer be
afforded. It has long been felt that the production rate of one egg per goose per day was an example of the general decline in productivity. Three geese will be let go, and an upgrading in the selection procedure by personnel will assure management that, from now on, every goose it gets will be a good one
7) The seven swans-a-swimming is obviously a number chosen in better times. The function is primarily decorative. Mechanical swans are on order. The current swans will be retrained to learn some new strokes, thereby enhancing their outplacement
8) As you know, the eight maids-a-milking concept has been under heavy
scrutiny by the EEOC. A male/female balance in the workforce is being sought. The more militant maids consider this a dead-end job with no upward mobility. Automation of the process may permit the maids to try a-mending, a-mentoring or a-mulching
9) Nine ladies dancing has always been an odd number. This function will be phased out as these individuals grow older and can no longer do the steps
10) Ten Lords-a-leaping is overkill. The high cost of Lords, plus the expense of international air travel, prompted the Compensation Committee to suggest replacing this group with ten out-of-work congressmen. While leaping ability may be somewhat sacrificed, the savings are significant as we expect an oversupply of unemployed congressmen this year
11) Eleven pipers piping and twelve drummers drumming is a simple case of the band getting too big. A substitution with a string quartet, a cutback on new music, and no uniforms, will produce savings which will drop right to the bottom line
Overall we can expect a substantial reduction in assorted people, fowl,
animals and related expenses. Though incomplete, studies indicate that
stretching deliveries over twelve days is inefficient. If we can drop ship in
one day, service levels will be improved.
Regarding the lawsuit filed by the attorney's association seeking expansion to include the legal profession ("thirteen lawyers-a-suing"), a decision is pending.
Deeper cuts may be necessary in the future to remain competitive. Should that happen, the Board will request management to scrutinize the Snow White Division to see if seven dwarfs is the right number
New Policy on Twelve Days
Effective immediately, the following economizing measures are being
implemented in the "Twelve Days of Christmas" subsidiary:
1) The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree, which never produced
the cash crop forecasted, will be replaced by a plastic hanging plant,
providing considerable savings in maintenance
2) Two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not cost effective. In addition, their romance during working hours could not be condoned. The positions are, therefore, eliminated
3) The three French hens will remain intact. After all, everyone loves the
French
4) The four calling birds will be replaced by an automated voice mail system, with a call waiting option. An analysis is underway to determine who the birds have been calling, how often and how long they talked_
5) The five golden rings have been put on hold by the Board of Directors.
Maintaining a portfolio based on one commodity could have negative
implications for institutional investors. Diversification into other precious metals, as well as a mix of T-Bills and high technology stocks, appear to be in order
6) The six geese-a-laying constitutes a luxury which can no longer be
afforded. It has long been felt that the production rate of one egg per goose per day was an example of the general decline in productivity. Three geese will be let go, and an upgrading in the selection procedure by personnel will assure management that, from now on, every goose it gets will be a good one
7) The seven swans-a-swimming is obviously a number chosen in better times. The function is primarily decorative. Mechanical swans are on order. The current swans will be retrained to learn some new strokes, thereby enhancing their outplacement
8) As you know, the eight maids-a-milking concept has been under heavy
scrutiny by the EEOC. A male/female balance in the workforce is being sought. The more militant maids consider this a dead-end job with no upward mobility. Automation of the process may permit the maids to try a-mending, a-mentoring or a-mulching
9) Nine ladies dancing has always been an odd number. This function will be phased out as these individuals grow older and can no longer do the steps
10) Ten Lords-a-leaping is overkill. The high cost of Lords, plus the expense of international air travel, prompted the Compensation Committee to suggest replacing this group with ten out-of-work congressmen. While leaping ability may be somewhat sacrificed, the savings are significant as we expect an oversupply of unemployed congressmen this year
11) Eleven pipers piping and twelve drummers drumming is a simple case of the band getting too big. A substitution with a string quartet, a cutback on new music, and no uniforms, will produce savings which will drop right to the bottom line
Overall we can expect a substantial reduction in assorted people, fowl,
animals and related expenses. Though incomplete, studies indicate that
stretching deliveries over twelve days is inefficient. If we can drop ship in
one day, service levels will be improved.
Regarding the lawsuit filed by the attorney's association seeking expansion to include the legal profession ("thirteen lawyers-a-suing"), a decision is pending.
Deeper cuts may be necessary in the future to remain competitive. Should that happen, the Board will request management to scrutinize the Snow White Division to see if seven dwarfs is the right number
Joined
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787 Posts
There's so much I want that I can't think of it all right now 
A sidewinder for my toggin arsenal (togmaster, check your mail).
A 5 mil wetsuit for clamming and for fishing in my kayak and from the rocks.
A 3" suspension lift kit for my truck.
A Van Staal for when I go fishing in that new wetsuit.
A custom Lami Ron Arra for the above mentioned VS.
A Renzetti fly tying vise.
A power rod wrapper.
And a 60' Viking.
Hey this is a Wish List afterall
A sidewinder for my toggin arsenal (togmaster, check your mail).
A 5 mil wetsuit for clamming and for fishing in my kayak and from the rocks.
A 3" suspension lift kit for my truck.
A Van Staal for when I go fishing in that new wetsuit.
A custom Lami Ron Arra for the above mentioned VS.
A Renzetti fly tying vise.
A power rod wrapper.
And a 60' Viking.
Hey this is a Wish List afterall
Joined
·
1,038 Posts
Wish List
Once nice weekend before XMAS.
Calstar Grafighter
Newell 332
Thats about it, but so much during the year. But you always find something else
Once nice weekend before XMAS.
Calstar Grafighter
Newell 332
Thats about it, but so much during the year. But you always find something else
Joined
·
5,302 Posts
1-2' seas, 55 degrees, a limit of tog topped off with a 12#, and Mega Millions.......
Realistically, a warm hat, and an Avet SX in blue.
Realistically, a warm hat, and an Avet SX in blue.
Joined
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5,139 Posts
Nice Weather
Dear Santa;
First, Asama Bin Ladin's head on a plate. then world peace.
Second,I would like for nice weather on the 14th for out Tog trip in Jersey. 50- 60 degress and 1-2 ft seas, with no wind and bright sunshine. Maybe I'll get that new Lami for the trip as an early present today as long as Mrs. Baywatch lets me.
Health, Wealth, Happiness , and a Safe and Happy Holiday for all the members, moderators and Ex. Board members on this site.
The Baywatch family.
Bill, Yvonne, and Little Bill (Covewatch)
Dear Santa;
First, Asama Bin Ladin's head on a plate.
then world peace.Second,I would like for nice weather on the 14th for out Tog trip in Jersey. 50- 60 degress and 1-2 ft seas, with no wind and bright sunshine. Maybe I'll get that new Lami for the trip as an early present today as long as Mrs. Baywatch lets me.
Health, Wealth, Happiness , and a Safe and Happy Holiday for all the members, moderators and Ex. Board members on this site.
The Baywatch family.
Bill, Yvonne, and Little Bill (Covewatch)
1 - 13 of 13 Posts
