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*** Airplane Warranty ***

This was posted very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas
Website by an employee there who obviously has a sense
of humor. The company, of course, does not have a sense
of humor, and made the web department take it down
immediately (for once, the "IMPORTANT" note at the
end is worth a read too...)

Please Mail in Your Registration/Warranty Card.

Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military
aircraft. In order to protect your new investment,
please take a few moments to fill out the warranty
registration card below. Answering these survey
questions is not required, but the information will
help us to develop new products that best meet your
needs and desires.

1. Salutation:
[_] Mr.
[_] Mrs.
[_] Ms.
[_] Miss
[_] Lt.
[_] Col.
[_] Gen.
[_] President
[_] Comrade
[_] Majesty
[_] Exalted
[_] Classified
[_] Other
First Name: ............................ Initial: ........Last Name: ..................................
Password: ........................ (max. 8 char)
Code Name:.................................................
Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: ..............................

2. Which model of aircraft did you purchase?
[_] F-14 Tomcat
[_] F-15 Eagle
[_] F-16 Falcon
[_] F-117A Stealth
[_] Classified

3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): 20....../....../......

4. Serial Number: ..........................................

5. Please indicate where this product was purchased
or obtained:
[_] Received as gift / aid package
[_] Catalogue / showroom
[_] Independent arms broker
[_] Mail order
[_] Discount store
[_] Stolen
[_] Government surplus
[_] Shop-At-Home Network
[_] Classified
[_] eBay

6. Please indicate how you became aware of the
McDonnell Douglas product you just purchased:
[_] Heard loud noise, looked up.
[_] Store display
[_] Air show
[_] Espionage
[_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally / adviser
[_] Late night cable TV advertising / infomercial
[_] Political lobbying by manufacturer
[_] Was attacked by one.
7. Please indicate the three (3) factors that most
influenced your decision to purchase this McDonnell
Douglas product:
[_] Style / appearance
[_] Speed / maneuverability
[_] Price / value
[_] Comfort / convenience
[_] Kickback / bribe
[_] Recommended by salesperson
[_] McDonnell Douglas reputation
[_] Advanced Weapons Systems
[_] Backroom politics
[_] Negative experience opposing one in combat.

8. Please indicate the location(s) where this
product will be used:
[_] North America
[_] Iraq
[_] Aircraft carrier
[_] Iraq
[_] Europe
[_] Iraq
[_] Middle East (not Iraq)
[_] Iraq
[_] Africa
[_] Iraq
[_] Asia / Far East
[_] Misc. Third World countries
[_] Iraq
[_] Classified
[_] Iraq

9. Please indicate the products that you currently
own or intend to purchase in the near future:
[_] Color TV
[_] VCR
[_] ICBM
[_] Killer Satellite
[_] CD Player
[_] Air-to-Air Missile
[_] Main battle tank
[_] Home Computer
[_] Nuclear Weapon

10. How would you describe yourself or your organization? (Check all that apply):
[_] Communist / Socialist
[_] Terrorist
[_] Crazed
[_] Neutral
[_] Democratic
[_] Dictatorship
[_] Corrupt
[_] Primitive / Tribal

11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
[_] Deficit spending
[_] Cash
[_] Suitcases of cocaine
[_] Oil revenues
[_] Personal check
[_] Credit card
[_] Ransom money

12. Your occupation:
[_] Homemaker
[_] Sales / marketing
[_] Revolutionary
[_] Clerical
[_] Mercenary
[_] Tyrant
[_] Middle management
[_] Religious
[_] Eccentric billionaire
[_] Defense Minister / General
[_] Retired
[ ]Student

13. To help us better understand our customers, please indicate the interests and activities in which you and
your spouse enjoy participating on a regular basis:
[_] Golf
[_] Boating / sailing
[_] Sabotage
[_] Running / jogging
[_] Propaganda / misinformation
[_] Destabilization / overthrow
[_] Default on loans
[_] Gardening
[_] Crafts
[_] Black market / smuggling
[_] Collectibles / collections
[ ] Sniper
[_] Watching sports on TV
[_] Wines
[_] Interrogation / torture
[_] Household pets
[_] Crushing rebellions
[_] Espionage / reconnaissance
[_] Fashion clothing
[ ] Stamp Collecting
[_] Border disputes
[_] Mutually Assured Destruction

Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire.
Your answers will be used in market studies that will
help McDonnell Douglas serve you better in the future-as well as allowing you to receive mailings and special
offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia.

As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will be registered to win a brand new F-117A in our
Desert Thunder Sweepstakes!

Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes?
Please write to:
Military, Aerospace Division

IMPORTANT: This e-mail is intended for the use of the individual addressee(s) named above and may contain
information that is confidential privileged or unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with low self-esteem,
no sense of humor, or irrational religious beliefs.

If you are not the intended recipient, any dissemination,
distribution or copying of this email is not authorized
(either explicitly or implicitly) and constitutes an irritating social faux pas.

Unless the word 'absquatulation' has been used in its correct context somewhere other than in this warning,
it does not have any legal or grammatical use, and may be ignored. No animals were harmed or molested
in the transmission of this email, although the kelpie next door is living on borrowed time, let me tell you.

Those of you with an overwhelming fear of the unknown
will be gratified to learn that there is no hidden
message revealed by reading this backwards, so just
ignore that Alert Notice from Microsoft.
However, by pouring a complete circle of salt around

yourself and your computer you can ensure that no harm
befalls you and your pets.

If you have received this email in error, please add
some nutmeg and egg whites, whisk, and place in a warm
oven for 40 minutes
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