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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
England, 932 A.D. A kingdom divided. To the West, the Anglo-Saxons.
To the East, the French. Above, nothing but Celts and some people from Scotland.

In Guinard, Palace, and Difford, plague.
In the kingdoms of Wessex, Sussex, Essex and Kent, plague.
In Mercia, and the two Anglias, plague, with a 50% chance of pestilence and famine coming out of the Northeast at twelve miles per hour.

XX

This post edited by wader 01:00 PM 01/15/2008
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
aquris wrote:
OK, I saw Spamalot on Sunday. I thought that sounded familiar!

Great show wasn't it?

ARTHUR:
Have you heard of this "Broadway?"

ROBIN:
Yes sire...and we don't stand a chance there.

ARTHUR:
Why not?

ROBIN:
Because...Broadway is a very special place,
filled with very special people,
people who can sing and dance, often at the same time!
They are a different people, a multi-talented people,
a people...who need people...and who are, in many ways, the
luckiest people in...the world. I'm sorry sire, but we don't stand a chance.

ARTHUR:
But why?

ROBIN:
Well...let me put it like this.

In any great adventure,
that you don't want to lose,
victory depends upon the poeple that you choose.
So, listen, Arthur darling, closely to this news:
We won't succeed on Broadway,
If you don't have any Jews.

You may have the finest sets,
Fill the stage with penthouse pets,
You may have the loveliest costumes and best shoes.
You my dance and you may sing,
But I'm sorry, Arthur king,
You'll hear no cheers,
Just lots and lots of boos.

ENSEMBLE:
Boo.

ROBIN:
You mahve have butch men by the score
Whom the audience adore,
You may even have some animals from zoos,
Though you've holes and krauts instead,
You may have unlevened bread,
But I tell you, you are dead,
If you don't have any Jews.

They won't care if it's witty,
or everything looks pretty,
They'll simply say it's ****** and profuse.
Nobody will go, sir,
If it's not kosher then no show, sir,
Even Goyem won't be dim enough to choose!
Put on shows that make men stare,
With lots of girls in underwear,
You may even have the finest of reviews.

CRITIC:
You're doing great!

ROBIN:
The audience won't care, sir,
As long as you don't dare, sir,
To open up on Broadway
If you don't have any Jews.

You may have dramatic lighting,
Or lots of horrid fighting,
You may even have some white men sing the blues!
Your knights might be nice boys,
But sadly we're all goys,
And that noise that you call singing you must lose.

So, despite your pretty lights,
and naughty girls in nasty tights,
and the most impressive scenery you use...
You may have dancing mana-mano,
You may bring on a piano,
But they will not give a ****-o
If you don't have any Jews!

You may fill your play with gays,
Have Nigerian girls in stays,

GIRLS:
You may even have some schizas making stews!

ROBIN:
You haven't got a clue,
If you don't have a Jew,
All of your investments you are going to lose!

There's a very small percentile,
Who enjoys a dancing gentile,
I'm sad to be the one with this bad news!
But never mind your swordplay,
You just won't succeed on Broadway,
You just won't succeed on Broadway,
If you don't have any Jews!

Arthur, can you hear me?

To get along on Broadway,
To sing a song on Broadway,
To hit the top on Broadway and not lose,
I tell you, Arthur king,
There is one essential thing...
There simply must be, simply must be Jews.

There simply must be,
Arthur trust me,
Simply must be Jews.
 

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...for those of us who havn't seen Spamalot...

quote:
Bring out your dead!
[clang]
Bring out your dead!
CUSTOMER: Here's one -- nine pence.
DEAD PERSON: I'm not dead!
MORTICIAN: What?
CUSTOMER: Nothing -- here's your nine pence.
DEAD PERSON: I'm not dead!
MORTICIAN: Here -- he says he's not dead!
CUSTOMER: Yes, he is.
DEAD PERSON: I'm not!
MORTICIAN: He isn't.
CUSTOMER: Well, he will be soon, he's very ill.
DEAD PERSON: I'm getting better!
CUSTOMER: No, you're not -- you'll be stone dead in a moment.
MORTICIAN: Oh, I can't take him like that -- it's against regulations.
DEAD PERSON: I don't want to go in the cart!
CUSTOMER: Oh, don't be such a baby.
MORTICIAN: I can't take him...
DEAD PERSON: I feel fine!
CUSTOMER: Oh, do us a favor...
MORTICIAN: I can't.
CUSTOMER: Well, can you hang around a couple of minutes? He won't
be long.
MORTICIAN: Naaah, I got to go on to Robinson's -- they've lost nine
today.
CUSTOMER: Well, when is your next round?
MORTICIAN: Thursday.
DEAD PERSON: I think I'll go for a walk.
CUSTOMER: You're not fooling anyone y'know. Look, isn't there
something you can do?
DEAD PERSON: I feel happy... I feel happy.
[whop]
CUSTOMER: Ah, thanks very much.
MORTICIAN: Not at all. See you on Thursday.
CUSTOMER: Right.
[clop clop]
MORTICIAN: Who's that then?
CUSTOMER: I don't know.
MORTICIAN: Must be a king.
CUSTOMER: Why?
MORTICIAN: He hasn't got sh it all over him.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
que the music

ROBIN (spoken):
Bring out your dead! Bring out your dead!

LANCE (spoken):
Here's one.

DAD (spoken):
I'm not dead!

ROBIN (spoken):
Here, he says he's not dead!

LANCE (spoken):
Yes he is.

DAD (spoken):
I feel happy. I feel happy.
(sung)
I am not dead yet
I can dance and I can sing
I am not dead yet
I can do the Highland Fling

I am not dead yet
No need to go to bed
No need to call the doctor
Cause I'm not yet dead.

BODIES:
He is not yet dead
That's what the geezer said
No, he's not yet dead
That man is off his head

He is not yet dead
So put him back in bed
Keep him off the cart because he's not yet dead.

Well now he's dead
You whacked him on the head
Sure, now he's dead
It makes me just see red
You are such a brute
To murder that old coot
You homicidal *******, now he's really dead
Who is the knave who put him in his grave
And who needs to manage his anger?

LANCE:
My name is Lancelot
I'm big, and strong, and hot.
Occasionally I do
Some things that I should not.

ROBIN:
I want to be a knight
But I don't like to fight
I'm rather scared I may
Just simply run away

LANCE:
I'll be right with you
Robin, through and through and through
So stick with me
And I'll show you what to do

ROBIN:
We'll remain good chums
You can teach me how to dance

ROBIN & LANCE:
We're going to enlist

ROBIN
I'm Robin

LANCE
And I'm Lance

CHORUS:
Oh we're off to war
Because we're not yet dead
We will all enlist
As the Knights that Arthur led.

DAD:
I am coming too
My name will be Sir Fred
I'll be your musician
Cos I'm not yet dead

CHORUS:
Oh we're not yet dead
To Camelot we go
To enlist instead
To try and earn some dough
And so although
We should have stayed in bed
We're going off to war
Because we're not yet dead

FRED:
I am coming, too
My name will be Sir Fred
I'll be your musician
'Cause I'm not yet dead

LANCE:
To kill
I will
It gives me such a thrill

ROBIN:
To sing
And dance
And keep an eye on Lance

ALL:
We're going off to war
We'll have girlfriends by the score

DAD:
We'll be shot by Michael Moore!

ALL: Because we're not yet dead
 
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