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Joke of the day

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MakoMike
Noreast.com Club Member


Noreast Writer

Joined: 12/28/2000
Posts: 71023
Location: Pt. Judith
 posted 03/03/2004 07:28 AM  
We have some pretty funny guys around here, how about we start a joke thread? Just keep it clean. Happy, I assume you'll want to go first?


====MakoMike=====

Click here for The Makomania Sportfishing website

Makomania out
 
PaddleOn
Noreast.com Club Member


Moderator
Kayak Fishing Forum

Joined: 09/28/2002
Posts: 4584
Location: Merrick
 posted 03/03/2004 07:36 AM  
So this woman I know goes to take care of her Dads farm...
A Rooster who is known to be quite the HenMan gives her the evil chicken eye and gazes longingly at her hoping to somehow break the awkward silence and overly thick romance filled air.

He tires of being ignored by the young beauty...
and hatches a plan to make himself noticed....

*to be continued

If you wanna to get to Heaven
You've got to raise a little hell
 
YAFLOUNDER


Joined: 10/03/2002
Posts: 2057
Location: Sayville
 posted 03/03/2004 07:41 AM  
Then she got mad.....

And choked the chicken...hahahaha

GJIAGDVYFCN
 
YAFLOUNDER


Joined: 10/03/2002
Posts: 2057
Location: Sayville
 posted 03/03/2004 07:43 AM  
I got a few jokes......

But you will delete most of them, so Im not gonna even try.....

Horse walks into a bar, bartender says "why the long face?"

Ha ha ha hahahahahaha

GJIAGDVYFCN
 
YAFLOUNDER


Joined: 10/03/2002
Posts: 2057
Location: Sayville
 posted 03/03/2004 07:46 AM  
Hahahahaha

Sorry YA I could figure out a way to clean that one up.


(This post edited by MakoMike on 03/03/2004)

GJIAGDVYFCN
 
YAFLOUNDER


Joined: 10/03/2002
Posts: 2057
Location: Sayville
 posted 03/03/2004 07:47 AM  
10 things in golf that sound dirty.....

1. Look at the size of his putter.
2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent.
3. You really wacked the hell out of that sucker.
4. After 18 holes I can barely walk.
5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.
6. Lift your head and spread your legs.
7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired.
8. Just turn your back and drop it.
9. Hold up. I've got to wash my balls.
10. Damn, I missed the hole again.

GJIAGDVYFCN
 
YAFLOUNDER


Joined: 10/03/2002
Posts: 2057
Location: Sayville
 posted 03/03/2004 07:51 AM  
Some more

Did you hear about the 80-pound guy with the 40-pound testicles?


People say he was half-nuts!


GJIAGDVYFCN
 
YAFLOUNDER


Joined: 10/03/2002
Posts: 2057
Location: Sayville
 posted 03/03/2004 07:54 AM  
Three couples went in to see the minister to see how to become members of his church. The minister said that they would have to go without sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went.
The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle-aged and the final couple was newlywed.

Two weeks went by, and the couples returned to the minister. The retired couple said it was no problem at all. The middle-aged couple said it was tough for the first week, but after that, it was no problem. The newlyweds said it was fine until she dropped the can of paint.

"Can of PAINT!" exclaimed the minister.

"Yeah," said the newlywed man. "She dropped the can and when she bent over to pick it up I had to have her right there and then. Lust took over."

The minister just shook his head and said that they were not welcome in the church.

"That's okay," said the man. "We're not welcome in Home Depot either."


GJIAGDVYFCN
 
Onemoredrift
Noreast.com Club Member


Moderator
LI Sound Fishing
Posted Reports

Joined: 09/04/2001
Posts: 7042
 posted 03/03/2004 08:03 AM  
I am glad I made it to the "joke of the day". You guys aren't going to call the animal protective police on me?????


 
YAFLOUNDER


Joined: 10/03/2002
Posts: 2057
Location: Sayville
 posted 03/03/2004 08:03 AM  
Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?"
"No," said his mom, "Of course not."

Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"


GJIAGDVYFCN
 
YAFLOUNDER


Joined: 10/03/2002
Posts: 2057
Location: Sayville
 posted 03/03/2004 08:05 AM  
Last one for a while......

A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's her turn, she climbs up on Santa's lap. Santa asks, "What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?"
The little girl replies, "I want a Barbie and a G.I. Joe."

Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, "I thought Barbie comes with Ken."

"No," said the little girl. "She comes with G.I. Joe, she fakes it with Ken."


GJIAGDVYFCN
 
craigkoproski


Joined: 09/04/2001
Posts: 2534
Location: The oldest city in America!
 posted 03/03/2004 08:32 AM  
Oldie but a goodie!

Two men are hiking through the dessert. A rattlesnake jumps up and bites one of the men right between his legs. In a panic he askes his friend to go to the nearest town for a doctor. Upon his arrival he finds the town doctor and explains that his friend was bit by a rattler. The doctor says his only chance for survival is to suck the poison out and get him to town as fast as possible. When he returns to his friend the friend asks "what did the doctor say" The friend replies "you are going to die".

"We protect only those things we love,
We love only those things we understand,
We understand only those things we are taught."
 
craigkoproski


Joined: 09/04/2001
Posts: 2534
Location: The oldest city in America!
 posted 03/03/2004 08:34 AM  
Another. Tougher to keep "clean"

Bear and a rabbit squatting down pooping in the woods. The bear turns to the rabbit and asks "hey rabbit do you have a problem with poop sticking to your fur" The rabbit replies "no, not at all" so the bear picks him up and wipes his butt with him. I love that one!

"We protect only those things we love,
We love only those things we understand,
We understand only those things we are taught."
 
theshark516


Joined: 10/22/2003
Posts: 1124
Location: Baldwin
 posted 03/03/2004 08:45 AM  
Arkansas DWI test ....

Billy Bob had a side job of being a clown at children's birthday parties. The party he had scheduled for that evening was a bit of a ride and he was running late. Once Billy Bob got on the interstate he put the pedal to medal in hopes of making up some lost time.

Sure enough an Arkansas State Trooper clocked Billy Bob speeding and proceded to pull him over.
When the trooper asked Billy Bob why he was speeding, he told him the truth.

Turns out the trooper has always enjoyed watching clowns perform and offered Billy Bob a deal.
"Tell you what, you do a juggling act for me and i'll let you go"

Billy Bob told him all of his gear was in his assistant's car and he nothing to use.
"No problem, i'll get some flares outta my cruiser".

The trooper lit the flares and handed then over to Billy Bob. At once Billy Bob began to juggle the flaming flares with ease, even tossing in a trick here and there, the trooper enjoying every second of it.

Suddenly another car pulled over and stopped behind them.
Not saying a word the driver got out and walked over to the cruiser and let himself into the back seat and closed the door.

Surprised at this, the trooper walked over and asked the guy what he was doing.
"Officer, i'm turning myself in. There's no way in hell i'm gonna even attempt to try that DWI test sir."





Kevin, ASC
 
jpd


Joined: 05/05/2001
Posts: 20108
 posted 03/03/2004 09:12 AM  


Why do they call it PMS?

Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

"A lawyer with his briefcase can steal more than a hundred men with guns." - Mario Puzo
 
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